I believe that one of the greatest causes of anxiety and pressure within the human soul is self-doubt.  These forces cause the soul to be restless and disfigured.  Self-certainty is the natural disposition of a “being”;  For it is the primary condition of “being” to surely exist.  Therefore, an existent thing is at least certain of one thing:  It’s own existence.  Its own inner awareness. I believe this revelation hit Descartes as well as with other enlightened human beings.  Still, what the human soul requires is courage AND knowledge: Courage to see doubt and elect certainty.  And knowledge enough to be aware that there is in actuality something of which to be certain in the first place.  With both of these anti-forces, now one can regulate or rather “temper” the natural ebb and flow of being since change is inevitable for a creature that expounds as we do. And growth is the thing that a being knows once it has enough exposure to itself. For we, as souls, are indefinitely conscious of our own being, even without full knowledge about what “being” means.

Indeed there are many beings and many ways to be (incalculable enough).  And amidst this vast assortment one must still remain aware of one’s own particular being.  If not, I believe that the aforementioned maladies occur.  One becomes anxious trying to grasp exactly who they are while simultaneously feeling the very real and evident pressure of their own being – a changing being.  As it is our lot to change through exposure to our self, growth may also work against us.  It can be warped to ally a condition where anxiety and pressure grows instead of courage and knowledge.  We see it all the time.  We feel it every time we doubt whether we are what we think we are… when we doubt who we learn we are.

Still there is a filter for both courage and knowledge; for each may easily and quickly become either fear or stupidity.  To defend, doubt must instead become reflection: the earnest effort to know at what moments should one exert courage to support movement and at what moments to allow contentment with what has been gained.  It is ever more a trial to balance the haste of growth and the temperance of patience – to find oneself appreciative for what has been gained and happy to enjoy IT alone without the agressive impulse for “More”.  An overdose on “more” is as hazardous as any drug and just as appetizing to be sure. However, “more” is a word as good as “infinite”.  Both decidedly indefinite and indeterminate at the same time.  Both, potent enough to unravel a controlled and conscious thing and render it adrift and lost.  So you see, “more” of “more” almost instantaneously places one in an unconscious morass, unable to know or be content with what is.  Immediately courage flees and knowledge dissipates because now the conscious thing is aloof -first of all, to itself.  It begins to wander…. searching for what it has but does not appreciate.  Spiraling down, now comes purgatory – It is both here and nowhere.  Of course, one certainly has a reason to feel anxiety flooding every bubble of consciousness while exasperating every modicum of courage.  For courage is not only ability it is also strength.  It is the power behind forward movement.  Accelerated, it gives momentum.  See, the will to move is courage.  The power to choose when ways are so numerous that counting them is a headache and when Being is so ambiguous that co-habitation seems simply impractical.  It takes something to move and something ‘more’ to live. Sure, faith is enough but what is it ultimately that faith gives?  A positive belief in something that while non-apparent is still achievable and effective.  It is my belief that courage yields the same thing and is therefore an equivalent term.  Except, perhaps, courage not only deals with the non-apparent but the apparent as well (arguably faith does too).  Nonetheless, both require acts of consciousness and some assurance that that act is not a fit of madness or stupidity.

Still, the forces that cause self-doubt in the first place must be something powerful; powerful enough to dispel what is unequivocally a fact; and powerful enough to disarm one’s courage and knowledge for an artificial ailment that is more or less a temporary.  The force back of doubt, even before anxiety and pressure, seems to be fear.  And I think I finally believe that fear finds its ally in the Law of Individualization.  I know; this is a strange notion. How can a law as prevalent and universal be behind the greatest source of negativity known to the soul.  Well, let me explain….

It is the individualistic mode of consciousness that feels the presence of “others” and perceives them as a threat or imposition.  The individual, wanting only its singular freedom cares not about the collective.  Certainly that would be counter-intuitive.  While there is a multitude of other individuals, they are designed differently, they are and must be distinct otherwise they would be some homogenous mass who while constituting a greater individual has seemingly lost their own particular and independent distinction.  Thus, the individual rebels.  Independence and freedom becomes prime.  It is this thrust that gives the individual his individuality. So when others come to take it, either through coercion, force or fidelity, the individual safeguards his freedom by retreating and suppressing all other beings – as they are rendered as encroachments; they come to consume the independent features of the one.  Needless to say, he may have been fine and content with his small and solitary stature.  For it is clear that anything that was once complex began as something simple; that which is a collection or collective was once separate and individual — on its own and un-collected.

Nonetheless, there is a sensibility for cooperation in all living things.  All living things, insofar as they are constituents of what one may recognize as “Life”, share something in common.  Something that allows them to be responsive to other life in a way that makes identity, energy, and power vital.  There is, without doubt, some force underlying things said to be “alive”.  And all of them move and have being.  They are active and perpetual until otherwise dead.  But whilst they are alive they can transfer and recognize vitality.  They can see its color and feel its presence.  They can even absorb this common life – breathing it – and transfer it at will.  Alas, the living thing finds itself a-part of a vital movement; each moment of life: a coordinated exchange of Being, one to another.  Consciousness, intermittent or not, subjugated or not, is the natural consequence of things flowing body to body, being to being, extra-marital and indefinitely constant.  For there is indeed something about that life that quickens and something about it that is automatically responsive (most of all to itself).  In the presence of such a force, even the uncollected find for themselves a haven for future dwelling should they choose.   So now it is clear, that the individual state is temporary and life, in its vastness and abundance, is permanent. The collective is simply the source, multifarious and indefinite but still somehow coordinated and deliberate, remaining preserved and conscious.

Naturally, this does not totally help the one in the purgatory of self-doubt, ever anxious and pressured for the need to find oneself within what is an infinitely complex continuum of … Beings.  Nor does it automatically console the one longing for independence and singular freedom.  Still, what I think it does provide is an assessment of the cause of suffering.

The absence of knowledge and courage ails whoever blighted enough not to cooperate with Life and accept their own Is-ness. What you are and what you will become is backed by a collective movement designed to preserve and live indefinitely.  The truth is that doubt is a phase and your individuality is but a conscious act of the collective One to know itself in a finite and particular way.  Life is an opportunity for the collective to appreciate every, individual, and small thing.  The collective gives the individual courage and self-knowledge enough to last until collective gain is made (in that way it is cyclical and self-preservative).  So to the self-doubter: “‘Be Ye Content’. know that on your behalf works a great collective of beings moving to preserve and keep you in whatever form you choose to become.  your choices are infinite if you would only accept that your individual self is not the end. on the contrary, it is the beginning of a discovery of many people, many places, and many things… all of whom share what every other things needs – a life force; a greater individual from whom we all inherit The Will to Be.”

“Let the wise show how work is holy when the heart of the worker is fixed on the Highest” (Bhagavad Gita 3:26).


About this entry